Come back to base

Coming back to base between postures, is good practice for coming back to base in life.

Coming back to base gives you a place to let you catch your breath, lets your body catch up, lets you feel the work you just did and really feel the flow of energy in your body.   What is this base?  It’s the base of the postures you’re working.  If you’re doing standing postures, Tadasana (Mountain pose) is the base you come back to.   If your doing sitting postures, Dandasana (Staff Pose) is your base.  If you’re doing supine poses, Savasana (Corpse Pose), and if your doing prone poses, Salabhasana (Locust Pose) is your base.

I just pumped gas…and I could have and mostly have, in the past,
jumped back in the car and in one fell swoop, put my wallet back,
seat-belt on, started the car back up and am in gear and moving before
I know it…today, I didn’t, today, it occurred to me, probably cause
I said it so many times in class this morning…”Come back to base,
breathe”.  So, I did, and I moved with mindfullness, with peace, with
full understanding and awareness of my next step(s).

What are you doing, or abt to do?  Where did you just come from?  Can
you leave it behind and be where you are?  Can you do what you’re
doing, entirely, while you’re doing it?  Check yourself, come back to
base.  Restructure, ask yourself what you’re doing, what your
intention is, and breathe.  And move forward, mindfully, peacefully,
with understanding and awareness.

That’s what I’m going to be more aware of and better about.  That’s
what I learned from yoga today.

Namaste

fifth

But, what about if you struggle, struggle with actually doing what you think you want to do?  How do you get yourself to the point where you can finally move?

It took me about 32 years, ok, that’s probably pretty dramatic, but it felt like it took longer than it should have to finally start moving again, and by the way, it wasn’t too late.   Yes, sometimes I kick myself for not doing it sooner, and sometimes I feel jealous when someone says they’ve been practicing Yoga for 12 years; i want to be that person already…but i have to remember and be OK with the fact that I’m not, but i’m here now and i will be that person in 10 years, if i keep practicing.

I get jealous of younger people for having found Yoga already, i wish i had kept practicing when i found it in my twenties and did it for a few weeks, here and there, on my apartment floor with Rodney Yee on the DVD.   but i didn’t, so i have to be content  and happy with the fact that i’ve found it now, finally.   How did i get here?  It was not easy and i think it’s an important story,  but i’ll give you a short answer first, just in case you don’t have the time…I finally got sick enough of myself.

you have to get really honest with yourself and ask yourself why you aren’t doing what you want to do.

i’ve dealt with depression for a long, long time, and then alcoholism added to it and perpetuated that depression; magnified it, maintained it.  For years, my biggest battle was (and sometimes still is, but i’ve gotten a lot better about this, with this) with myself, in the morning, in bed.  This is very common.  I would wake up already beating myself up about the things that i should have done already, the things i should be doing and the things i wanted to get to.  And it all paralyzed me.  i could put myself back to sleep, until about 2pm, 3 was generally the latest i would let myself go, then another layer of guilt would drop on me about not getting up until 3 in the after noon, what a perpetual motion.  when i had to work, getting up was easy, unless i was hung over, then it was very hard or i would just stay up for fear that i wouldn’t make it to work on time.  it was exhausting, and on top of all of that, i was gaining weight.  to me, i was beginning to look disgusting.  I wasn’t an over-eater, not by any means, under-eater, really.  To me, in the end (and by end, i mean when i quit drinking) it just seemed that the weight was an outward symbol of my depression.  As if to say to me, “you aren’t getting it, not mentally, so how about visually?”  i saw it.  i wasn’t doing anything and i was growing, i hardly recognized myself.

then my brother told me that he quit drinking, and i could just hear it in his voice; he was different, he was better for it.  He just told me his story, he didn’t try to talk me into quitting, but he wanted me to know the difference in him, and he knew our similarities.  i heard him.  and i quit a week or two later (which, by the way, is crazy to me that i don’t remember anymore…i never thought i would stop counting the days).  It was NOT easy, and i wish, so much, that i had Yoga in my life then, and i wish i could say that is when i found Yoga, but it wasn’t.  I wend to AA for a few months (and i’m simplifying to get to the Yoga part) which helped me tremendously, and while i don’t still go, i often think about going back to meetings (not because i think i need them to keep me from drinking, but for support; to give and to get it and to share my story).  And, all the while, i was in a long distance relationship and we were trying to decide  what we should do, how we should get closer, geographically.  We had decided that i would move to where he was, in Las Vegas, and move i did.

i found Yoga when i was in Las Vegas.  I had hit a point that sort of felt like another bottom.  He dealt with depression too, and while i was worlds better than i had been, before i quit drinking, i was still struggling with depression.  I felt like i had hit a second phase, as it were.  A sort of , “ok, you’ve gotten past and through a huge chunk of time with sobriety (it had been a little over a year by then), how about we work on a cleaner you now, and get to the rest of it?”  and so, i had gotten sick of myself again.  I believe that at that time, it was helpful that i was with somebody, that i wasn’t just accountable to me, but that i was viewing myself through what could have been his eyes, but what was really just a different way of me viewing myself.  i did not like what i was seeing.  i was sleeping really late again.  I wasn’t doing anything for me.  i was adding nothing to our relationship or my life.  And i was not going to go on that way anymore.

i believe that, for me, just making that choice and really meaning it was empowering.  Finding a doctor and going and admitting all my pain was empowering.  Committing to going to the gym and finally going, regularly, was empowering.  I went to a gastroenterologist to get tested for Celiac Disease (it’s hereditary and it runs in my family) and tested positive.  During this time I also traveled back to Illinois to work on a TV pilot (i am a grip in the motion picture and television industry as well) and went to a Yoga class with my sister.  That was it.  When she said that she had started taking classes down the street from the house, i jumped at the chance to go with her.  I had always wanted to, and she had tested the waters.  She could help be cross through that doorway comfortably, that ‘s what i needed.  I had always had the hardest time going to new places; i had such social anxiety.  My sister helped me through that door and onto the mat.  I loved it.  I want to say i loved it as much as i thought i was going to, but i believe i love it more.  I could not anticipate how much it would mean and be for me.  Once i finished that first class, i was into it.  I had no problem walking into any Yoga studio, center or class at any gym.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Yoga helps Yoga.  there’s built-in “stuff” in Yoga that perpetuates a practice, that helps perpetuate a good life.  Yoga and quitting drinking have saved me; they have helped me be more clear.  Soon after I began practicing, i felt that i wanted to teach.  So, i entered a teacher training program at that place where i took my first class (The Himalayan Yoga and Meditation Center in Palatine) and just know that I want to do this.   I want to help people get what i received.  If i can do that, i just really believe that is something.  I want to help spread this around.

In 2006, i could barely get out of bed to do anything.  I’m a different person now, but i remember how i felt then, i don’t know that I’ll forget that version of me.  i think it’s a good thing that i remember how bad i felt, it keeps me going sometimes.  So, my point is, i know, i know it’s hard to get there sometimes.  just be honest with yourself, as to why you’re not doing it, what ever “it” is.  believe me, i’m still asking myself, i’m still working on it.  i’ve come a long way from those days, but i still have those battles in the morning…

don’t beat yourself up too much, it just makes it worse, for sure.

namaste, kory

P.S.  by the way,  i don’t mean to say that you all need to quit drinking.  that was what i had to do, that was what came up when i got really honest with myself.  it’s different for everybody, it’s just about asking yourself the questions and answering honestly.

fourth

A friend asked me today, “how do i get started?  Is it expensive?  Any insider advice?”  I called him back and left a voice-mail and told him to call me back and we could talk…but I was so excited that I left my thoughts on the voice-mail anyway (i tend to leave a long voice mail every now and then, i suppose, just in case i never talk to you again, for some reason or another, i would like my message to get to you).  Then i thought, this should be my next blog…it should have been the first, but, it wasn’t so, here it is…

I told him (Jason, thanks for the inspiration and questions) that i recommend he look into the Yoga studios in his neighborhood, really check out what’s all around (i never minded traveling for different Yoga experiences; different classes or different environments).  Look at their schedules on line and see what sort of explanation of their classes they provide.  That’s what i did.  i soon found that there were a ton of different names out there and i quickly realized that i had no idea what was going on, so no real idea how to choose.  it was one thing to see Power Yoga, or Flow Yoga, i could come up with some image on those.  But what the heck is Anusara Yoga, or Ashtanga Yoga, or Hatha Yoga, or Himalayan Yoga, or Vinyasa Yoga, or, or, or??

Well, for starters, from what i understand, any sort of postures yoga; any physical yoga, exercise-type yoga is Hatha Yoga.  So, all these other names, they are all types of Hatha Yoga, again, that is when it comes to doing postures (asanas).  So, Anusara is a type of Hatha Yoga, same goes for Ashtanga and Himalayan and Vinyasa and so on and on.  It gets confusing because once you think you know that, you come across a studio or center’s class schedule and they list Vinyasa Flow and Hatha Yoga and you thing, but wait?!  what?  i thought Vinyasa Flow was Hatha, what’s more Hatha about the Hatha class?  augh.   Nothing, at its core.  But it does seem that when people call a class Hatha and not something else, its regular, basic, maybe a slower paced Yoga.  Its a yoga with no bells and whistles.  It doesn’t have a special “gimmick” or slogan, save for all the “slogans” that come along with all the ancient philosophies that are a part of all other Hatha yoga anyway.

it all makes more sense the more you do it and go to more classes and see that there are such a great many similarities.  Some types have a certain series they follow, like Ashtanga.  Some link every move with an inhale and an exhale, Vinyasa…but these are all fun research projects.  i find that is it so great to get recommendations, but there is nothing like experiencing it all for yourself.  So, as i was saying before, look up your local studios and check their schedules, if you would like further description of the types of classes they have, search them on the internet, it’s all out there.  Then, or instead of that, call the studio or just go down there and be open and honest and ask them what they’d recommend for you.  They will give you the best advice, because they know what they’ve set up there.  I’ve been to studios where they offer Hatha 1, 2 and 3 level classes, and there’s really no difference.  I’ve also been to studios where the difference is drastic, but i will say that of all the studios i’ve been to, no teacher has ever turned me away because i don’t have enough experience.

One of the great things about Yoga, is there are always modifications.  So, even if you are in an advanced class because it was the only time that worked for you that day, if you tell the teacher, they will help you; they will offer modifications.  Or, if you just get into a class that is proving hard for you, there’s always modifications, you can always go into a relaxation or easier pose to get your breath back.  If you’re competing in Yoga, pushing yourself to an unsafe place, be that a place of physical pain or a place where your ego is getting the best of you and you are doing a pose in a way that is not good for you, you could hurt yourself; that is your ego pushing you to compete.  This Yoga practice is such a great place to let go of your ego and do what’s best for you.  My point is, no matter what class you go to, if you have a hard time, accepting that you need a break or a modification is highly respected and looked well on.

And by the way, everybody has hard days.  You never know who you’re standing next to, so comparing is pointless.  you might be standing next to a dancer who can do the splits all the ways, and you end up feeling jealous.  what you might not know is though she’s in the splits, her mind is racing and she can’t get present.  So, actually, doing the splits in Yoga is turning out to be hard for her.  Calming the fluctuations of the mind is what we’re trying to do in Yoga too.  So, remember, you are you, and you don’t share the same history as the person next to you.  That’s why they say in Yoga, “start where you are”.  There is no better place to start than now.

Is it expensive?  It can be, sure…but the beauty about just starting is you have so much exploring to do and Yoga studios know that, so many of them give the first class for free.  Many studios also offer, at a discounted rate, an unlimited week or month, for the first timer. that is how i started.  It’s such a great idea that they do this, it gives you such a great chance to really experiece their style, or in some cases, many styles in one place.  Some studios focus on one style, others will offer many styles.  Again, this all turns out to make a lot of sense, once you start getting into it.

I also went to the library and got books on Yoga.  It was so tempting to buy every book on Yoga I saw, but there are a million, from books on postures to books on different traditions and philosophies…i really recommend the library, you will save yourself a lot of money and if something just isn’t clickking with you, you won’t feel so bad;  you’ll just return it.  Also, check out the Yoga DVD’s at the library.  Try doing it at home, then moving to a studio if you’re not comfortable going straight to the studio.  It’s a nice idea to get a video before your first class anyway, so you can check out some of the poses and see what they’re called.  Some teachers use the Sanskrit names, some translate them all to english, some mix.  I mix, because i think it’s fun to speak of them in the language they came from, but i like to say the english translation too.

I had trouble getting to my first class, because of social anxiety issues; i was always nervous about walking into any new place the wrong way and looking the fool.  The first Yoga class i actually went to was with my sister.  She had started going to the studio down the street from where she lived.  When she told me, i jumped at the chance to go with her; to go with a person who could walk be through the place; through the steps and help me to feel comfortable.  That was all i needed, and from there, i’ve never had a problem walking into any studio or center, and for that matter, anywhere.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Yoga helps Yoga and that helps your whole life.  It gives you the tools, physical and mental to keep it all up.  And for that, i am so very thankful.

now get out there,  if you need a buddy to go with, maybe it can be me.  I’m in!  and if you’d like a private class from me, e-mail me at kory.youyoga@gmail.com (i’m in the NW suburbs of Chicago, we’ll see what we can work out). the first one’s free, as they say.

 

namaste, kory

third

“yoga is just stretching”.  No, Yoga is yoga, just stretching is just stretching. 

Now,  I will explain in a way that makes sense to me: Yoga is a way of going about things.  Yoga is systematic, yoga has other parts other than the physical postures (asanas).  I’ve spoken about the Eight Limbs of yoga before; they are what makes Yoga not “just stretching”.  Some people who know that I practice Yoga ask me “do you practice Yoga everyday?”  My initial response is “no”, because what they’re usually asking is if I practice postures; if i do the yogic exercises.  That is what I am answering “no” to.  In the beginning, i would have meant “no”, entirely.  Now, after studying and learning more about Yoga, i find that I am answering “no” about postures, but the real answer is “yes, i do practice yoga everyday”.  Now that i know that, i find myself answering in that way, and if i feel that it is welcomed, I’ll explain.  The beauty of Yoga is its philosophy, its path; to get you to your truest self, to help you to happiness, to help you to detach; not let yourself become so attached to anything, to control the fluctuations of the mind, to come to peace. 

How do you practice Yoga, how do we practice Yoga?  Why is it just not stretching?  Because of the philosophy.  Because of the Eight Limbs; Yamas (restraints), Niyamas (observances), Asana (postures), Pranayama (breath practices), Pratyahara (sense withdrawal), Dharana (concentration), Dhyana (meditation) and Samadhi (enlightenment).  Because of these Eight Limbs, because of the other things going on, that is what makes it different.  In Yoga, we practice non-competitiveness. We learn to look into ourselves, and watch our own progress and make sure to not push ourselves beyond our limits, beyond our edge.  We appreciate what others are doing around us (whether that is postures or at work), and if we get jealous, we work on not being jealous.  we work on being happy for those that we feel are excelling, we don’t use that as a way to feel bad about ourselves and push ourselves past where we are.  If you push yourself past where you are, you could hurt yourself and that is not practicing the first Yama (restraint) which is Ahimsa (non-harming), and it is not practicing a few of the Niyamas (observances) such as, Santosha (contentment), or Tapas (discipline).  This is what makes Yoga, Yoga.  It may seem like a lot to be thinking about while you are practicing postures or just living life, but when you chose to live a yogic lifestyle, and you begin to understand these Eight Limbs, you start to realize that they all just lead to the next, and they are so complimentary to each other that they just become common sense and second nature.

If you are not practicing the postures (asanas) every day, but you are observing the restraints (yamas) and observances (niyamas) then you are practicing Yoga.  If you are practicing the postures (asanas) but you steal, or are a bully or you lie then you are not practicing Yoga, you may be doing Yogic postures, but Yoga is more than it’s postures.  if you think that you are better than anybody else; superior in some way, not seeing the divine in everybody, then you are not practicing yoga, even if you practice postures everyday…that is my understanding.

But we should talk about the postures.  as far as the Asanas (postures), the physical, it is also strength-building, and massage.  There are postures we do that absolutely build strength, strength of body and of mind.  It is the strength of the mind that is my favorite part.  When you stand in Vrkshasana (Tree Pose), you are strengthening your legs, you are strengthening your core, you are strengthening your arms, and you are strengthening your mind.  How are you strengthening your mind?  By focusing.  Balance postures are such a wonderful and immediate way to see if you are focusing, it’s a wonderful time to practice Pratyahara (sense withdrawal).  When you work on balance postures and your mind is wondering, you will find pretty quickly that you will fall out of the posture.  When you focus, when you are concentrating on what you are doing, the posture, you will stay in it longer.  This sort of practice affects your focus for the rest of the day.  The more you practice something, the better you get at it.  So, you find yourself having trouble focusing on a project at work or during a conversation, just remember  how you focused in Tree Pose and do that, bring it into your life, not just on the mat, or wherever you practice your postures.

So, do i practice Yoga everyday?  Yes.  do i practice postures (asanas) everyday, no.  I know that since i began my journey on the Yogic path, i am more truthful, more content, more observant, more calm, more understanding, more a lot of things.  And, again, yoga helps with yoga.  I used to get mad at myself for not practicing the postures everyday, then i realized that went against the principles of yoga, and that Yoga is so much more than the physical.

I hope this explains some of the difference

namaste, kory

second

Ahimsa means “non-harming” in sanskrit; the language of yoga. Ahimsa is the first Yama. Yama means “restraint”, and the Yamas are the first limb of the Eight limbs of Yoga.

I bring this up now because I am tearing my hands apart, literally. So, here’s the relationship, if it isn’t obvious already, it has to do with Ahimsa, non-harming.

First, here’s some context…I am on the Yogic path and with that comes paying attention to and trying to live according to the eight limbs of Yoga. I will digress and briefly list the Eight limbs; Yamas (restraints), Niyamas (observances), Asanas (postures), Pranayama (breathwork), Pratyahara (sense withdrawl), Dharana (concentration), Dhyana (meditation) and Samadhi (union, enlightenment).

The other Yamas are; Satya (truthfulness), Asteya (non-stealing) and Brahmacharya (sexual moderation).

The Niyamas (observances) are; Saucha (purity), Santosha (contentment), Tapas (Discipline), Svadyaya (self-study), Ishvara pranidhana (devotion).

But, I am writing today to talk about Ahimsa, which is nice because it is the first one, the first yama, so that works out…ok, here goes. There’s obvious non-harming, like, don’t kick somebody else in the shins, don’t smack somebody when you’re angry. Those are physical. Then there’s the verbal harm we can do, like taking out our anger and frustration on others, and at a deeper and more harmful lever; verbal abuse and such…Then there’s the more subtle levels, the less obvious, like talking about somebody behind their back.

It seems, in all my yoga studies, those are the levels that are spoken of and attended to first. But, what about how we treat ourselves? What about how we beat ourselves up, mentally and physically? That is what I’m writing about today. I have dealt with depression my whole life. I’ve been beating myself up forever. I’ve gotten a lot better about it over the years; I’ve been paying more attention, trying and working hard to stop. Since I was very young, too young to remember, really, I’ve been picking at (augh, it sounds so gross, but I’m gonna say it anyway) my fingers, picking at myself. I used to get bitten by mosquitoes like it was their job to only bite me, mostly my legs…and i would scratch my legs to the point of bleeding, then i wore knee socks until i was in about 3rd grade to cover the scars. I’ve been picking my cuticles for as long as i can remember. When I was about 24, I stopped, somehow I stopped. Then I started again, probably prompted by a cut that scabbed then I picked it and it all started again…horrible, gross, i know.

In 2006, I quit drinking and I was still picking away, mostly my thumbs (sounds funny, but that’s what i did, it’s ridiculous) down to the knuckles. gross. A couple weeks after I quit and had kept it up (I’m a little over three years sober now) I caught myself picking my thumbs and thought “you quit drinking, you quit drinking for God’s sake. If you quit drinking you could quit picking yourself apart.” So, I decided that every time I caught myself picking I would snap a rubber band on my wrist 50 times, not for the pain, but for the distraction. I did it. I committed and I did it. Some time later, who knows when, I started again and I started to realize that my picking was a big indicator of my stress and anxiety. It’s a weird thing, because there were times when I was picking that I didn’t really feel nervous or anxious, but I must have been, something was happening. For a while, I had just gotten to a point that I was only picking my thumbs. I had at least gotten to the point where I left the rest of my hands alone.

Well, I’m back at it, with a vengeance. It’s horrible. I am tearing myself apart. I’m tearing every finger on my hands apart. I think of Ahimsa (non-violence), and how much trouble I’m having. Why am I doing this to myself? What does it mean, and what will it mean when I get past it or through it? It’s the hardest step, to me, so far. The first step, is the most difficult for me.

When I quit smoking, the last time ( I had quit twice before) it was the easiest time. I had been loving smoking, just loving it, but knowing, at the same time, that I was disappointed that I was smoking again. So, during that last week of smoking, heavily, I kept talking to myself about why I was doing it, asking myself, really. I had started studying Yoga about 6 months before the day I quit the last time and Yoga made that quit easy, so easy. So, as I said, while I was smoking and loving it, I was also talking to myself; going over it, asking why? What was I getting out of it, why was I doing it? What need or desire was I fulfilling with cigarettes? I started to really think about Yoga and what it meant to me and the potential I thought it had in my life. I thought about what I was learning about Yoga and that smoking contradicted what I wanted in my life; the path I wanted to travel. I promised myself that I would quit at the end of the job (which was only a few more days, I free-lance). I continued to smoke and have those conversations with myself for those last few days and when the day came, the first day off that job, I did quit. And it was the easiest quit. Yoga got me there. Yoga helped me see what I was doing and why.

I believe I need to do the same with this horrible habit of tearing myself apart. I will get through this. I know that the awareness is the biggest help and really, the first step. I am truly causing myself harm, but knowing this is how I will get better. That awareness is one of the greatest gifts that I have received from being on this Yogic path. Acknowledging that this harm I’m doing is something I really am doing to myself is a step.

I know that Yoga helps me through all of this and helps me find peace and joy. So, I pay attention to all these restraints and observances, but I am having a hard time with this first one, a little bit. But I know how much Yoga has helped me before, in specific situations and daily, on the whole…it’s interesting to watch myself go through all of this, and live along this path. It’s a good lesson for all of us, that we can be on the path but not perfect at it. Sometimes, just the awareness of the path is comforting, and knowing what you can do to stay on it and travel it better is a wonderful thing.

namaste, Kory

first

a few years ago i started practicing yoga.  i had always been interested, but i always lacked the motivation to really follow through with my interest (which is another story that i’ll get to).  my sister started going to a yoga studio down the street from her house and when i came into town to visit i went with her.  i was always nervous about crossing the threshold, i always had nervous anxiety about new places.  knowing she had been there and could help me be comfortable was all i needed.  we went to a class and i was hooked.  i had no problem after that one class, entering any yoga studio anywhere…there were times when i was surprised with the set up of a place or that a class was empty but for me, but i found that yoga itself was what made it all ok, that was something i almost couldn’t believe. Yoga proves itself  to me everyday.

this blog is all about how yoga has changed my life.  it is about how yoga affects everything from washing the dishes to sleeping better at night.  if you can see yoga in everything and not just in the postures, then you are understanding that yoga is more than just postures, which is a common, and unfortunate misunderstanding.

i hope you enjoy

namaste, kory